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MEET SURLY
Artemus Johnson, the fusty
old salt, the muse behind Surly Johnson Sports Bar & Grill is the man you’ve
never met; but the ordinary character perched on the corner bar stool at the
local watering hole.
Artemus is a fibber, a cheat, a mutt and a
legend. Never lend him money, never ask a favor, and never, never, ever,
over serve him after midnight.
Artemus will let you down. His own shortfalls and bunk
are beset by bloodline success and brushes with greatness.
Artemus Ward and the
Drunken Tour
His great-grandfather was
famous humorist Artemus Ward, whom in 1840 performed the first ever stand up
comedy act in Maine. Legend has it, Artemus was once threatened by a Nevada
constable when taking a drunken rooftop tour of Virginia City along with good
friend Mark Twain. He was considered to be a
favorite author of President Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln recited some of Ward’s
work prior to introducing the “Emancipation Proclamation” to his Cabinet.
The 7th Inning
Mistake
His grandfather, Sully
helped inspire baseball tradition when he accidentally spilled a beverage on
President William Howard Taft on Opening Day in Philadelphia in 1910. When
President Taft jumped up in surprise, the crowd, out of respect rose with him.
He would have been iced
for Shore
His father, Ward, worked at
the hockey rink owned by the Springfield Indians, the team owned by Bruins great
Eddie Shore. One night Eddie Shore decided he was going to close up the rink
and sent Ward Johnson home.
When he went to replace a
light bulb in one of the lights over the ice, the 30 foot ladder went out from
under him. Eddie Shore grabbed onto one of the rafters where he hung suspended
overnight! Not until the next morning when Ward Johnson returned was Shore
saved when Johnson picked up the ladder and helped him down.
Who was that Masked Man?
His brother, Oliver "Red"
Johnson was most famous, along with Vern McMillan for designing the first ever
face mask in football. It was made of leather, but never really caught on until
almost a generation later.
He got the nickname “Red”
because of all the bloody noses he got from testing helmet prototypes.
Fore Boston, Fore USA!
Artemus even has a lifelong
friend, Floyd Rood, in the Guinness Book of World Records. In September of 1963
set out on an adventure, which spanned 3,397.7 miles, 114,737 golf strokes, and
more than 3,500 lost balls over a 1 year period as Floyd became the first person
to play the United States as a golf course.
The Surly Man
Artemus Johnson is
not famous for anything, except missing out on every world championship ever won
in Boston. While attending college and serving in Vietnam in the 1960's he
missed all 10 Celtics World Championships. In May 1970 when the Bruins were
winning their first Stanley Cup since 1941, Artemus Johnson was hitchhiking
across America because he lost a bet. When they won in 1972? Artemus was
serving a 3 day sentence in jail for disorderly conduct.
Missing all these
championships made Artemus Johnson an angry and bitter man when it came to
Boston sports. He shook his fists at the heavens when the Impossible Dream
ended in 1967 and he wept in his hands when the ball went through Buckner's
legs. His friends dubbed him "Surly" after a while and the name stuck.
When Aaron Boone homered in
Game 7 of the ALCS, Artemus Johnson laughed and the mocked his friends, the
so-called "Believers". He is famous for placing bets against his favorite
Boston teams at the outset of each season, though you would never see him
without wearing a Sox cap or his favorite #57 red Pat Patriot jersey when the
Pats are on.
Bitterness and bad luck
continued for Artemus when the Patriots won their first Super Bowl title in
2001. He was in the hospital being prepped for emergency surgery. He had
tickets to Houston when the Patriots beat Carolina, but he never saw the game
because he lost his ticket. When they beat Philadelphia, his first grandchild
was born in the backseat of his car.
He did finally see the Red
Sox win the 2004 World Series, but he will be damned if he can remember a single
moment. Reaching for a can of beans on the top shelf he old Surly Johnson got
hit on the head. He recovered, but to this day, he can never seem to remember
the Red Sox glory he witnessed.
Surly Johnson was sitting in
his favorite chair that night in 2007 when Boston was about to beat the Rockies,
but now getting on in years, he dozed off for just a minute, missing the final
out.
The angry and bitter man,
Surly Johnson, who has come so close to witnessing sports greatness, whose
famous family has touched history, now offers a new destination for sports fans:
Surly Johnson Bar and Grill where friends gather to watch champions play.
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Have an appetite?
Surly will satisfy it.
Have an unquenchable thirst?
Surly will quench it.
Need a good story?
Surly is definitely your guy.
Looking
for a good time with
friends and family?
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